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Chicken Quotes and So On

These are fun. I gathered these quotes and sayings from the internet. It seems fairly complete, but if you know of some that are missing, let me know! There are three categories:

Quotes || Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? || Sayings


Quotes

"If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends. If an egg is broken by an inside force, life begins. Great things happen from the inside." - Unknown

"The cocks may crow, but it's the hen that lays the egg." - Margaret Thatcher

"Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed."- William Jennings Bryan

"Don't count your chickens before they are hatched." - Aesop Fables "The Milkmaid and her Pail"

"It is not unprofessional to give free legal advice, but advertising that the first visit will be free is a bit like a fox telling chickens he will not bite them until they cross the threshold of the hen house" - Warren E Burger

"Stupidity is the devil. Look in the eye of a chicken and you'll know. It's the most horrifying, cannibalistic, and nightmarish creature in this world."- Werner Herzog

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg - not by smashing it." - Arnold Glasow

"If I didn't start painting, I would have raised chickens." - Grandma Moses

"When counting, try not to mix chickens with blessings." - Unknown

"Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken." - Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U sect.

"The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup." - Bob Hope

"I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?" - Victor Borge

"It's true that I did get the girl, but then my grandfather always said, even a blind chicken finds a few grains of corn now and then." - Lyle Lovett

The chicken is the country's, but the city eats it. - George Herbert

A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there?   I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt." - Unknown

We didn't starve, but we didn't eat chicken unless we were sick, or the chicken was. - Bernard Malamud

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid. - Mark Twain

Many count their chickens before they are hatched; and where they expect bacon, meet with broken bones. - Miguel de Cervantes

People who count their chickens before they are hatched, act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately. - Oscar Wilde

"If God grants me longer life, I will see to it that no peasant in my kingdom will lack the means to have a chicken in the pot every Sunday." - Henri IV of France, in a conversation with the Duke of Savoy

"Is this chicken or is this fish?" - Jessica Simpson, the tuna-fish consumer expressing her confusion regarding the identity of the 'Chicken of the Sea'.


Quotes || Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? || Sayings


Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Barack Obama's Answer: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

John McCain's Answer: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Sarah Palin's Answer: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

George Bush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Hillary Clinton's Answer: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Dick Cheney's Answer: Where's my gun?

Colin Powell's Answer: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

John Kerry's Answer: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Ronald Reagan's Answer: What chicken?

Richard Nixon's Answer:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Dr. Phil's Answer: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

Oprah Winfrey's Answer: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which are a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss' Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Ralph Nader's Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side.".

John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Buddha's Answer: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Joseph Stalin's Answer: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Louis Farrakhan's Answer: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

The Pope's Answer: That is only for God to know.

Emily Dickenson's Answer: Because it could not stop for death.

Ernest Hemingway's Answer: To die. In the rain. Alone.

O.J. Simpson's Answer:
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Colonel Sanders' Answer: I missed one?

Darwin's Answer: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Homer Simpson's Answer: Mmmmmm. . . . . chicken . . . .

Moses' Answer: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Kindergarten Teacher's Answer: To get to the other side.

Karl Marx' Answer: It was a historical inevitability.

Timothy Leary's Answer: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

 


Quotes || Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? || Sayings


The World's Longest List of Chicken Sayings

As happy as a rooster in a hen house. (one guy, lots of girls--what's not to love!)

Chick flick (movie that girls like)

I feel cooped up (My space is too confining)

Poppycock (worthless talk)

Hang around the chicks. (Guy who likes girls)

Caught with egg on your face. (Embarassed)

"Dippy eggs." (A southern slang for runny eggs...to dip your toast and taters in.)

Don't cackle if you haven't laid. (don't brag)

The rooster makes all the noise, but the hen rules the roost! (an independent lady with a pompous husband who told her friends)

The rooster may rule the roost, but the hen rules the rooster! (same as above)

The rooster may crow, but this hen lays the egg! (same as above)

From scratch / from chicken scratch (From raw materials, not a mix)

Yeah, he'd scrap heck out of hen poop. (Meaning not much of a fighter)

Fussing like an old hen.

Tastes like chicken (to describe flavor of snake, armadillo, alligator, frog, possum)

Nest egg. (An egg left in the nest to encourage a hen to lay her eggs there--savings account)

Scratching out a living. (Chickens are industrious birds)

Up with the chickens. (Roosters begin to crow before first light)

Walking on eggshells. (Careful behavior around someone who is cranky)

Take our flock and go (leave with the family)

Chicken lights (the small lights all over any big rig tractor-trailer)

A whistling girl and a crowing hen will always come to some bad end. (We will experience something bad if we act like men)

The chicken is out of the hen house (a decision has already been made--too late to change)

Work as hard as a hen hauling wood. (hard working)

Get your hackles up (become visibly upset)

Fly the coop (leave home)

Dumb cluck (someone who doesn't get it)

Yolks on you (pun for joke)

Does a chicken have lips? (meaning it was a stupid thing to say)

Hen party (all women gathering with a lot of laughter)

Hen house (all women sharing a house)

Scrambled eggs (gold trim on the brim of navy officers hats)

Chick (young girl)

Chicken feed (not a lot of money)

Birds of a feather flock together (People who are a lot alike tend to gather together)

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

Feather your own nest (take care of your own)

Put up a squawk (to complain or protest loudly or vehemently)

Hatch a plan (To devise or originate, especially in secret)

Coming home to roost (a person is about to pay for their mistakes or bad deeds)

To chicken out (lose courage)

Pecking order (A hierarchy within a social group or community)

Henpecked (browbeaten, bullied, or intimidated by one's wife, girlfriend, etc.)

Rule the Roost (to dominate)

Cock 'o the Walk (someone who dominates others in a group)

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched (you should not make plans that depend on something good happening before you know that it has actually happened)

Don't put all your eggs in one basket (Don't concentrate all your prospects or resources in one thing or place, or you could lose everything.)

Have to break eggs to make an omelet

Not all it's cracked up to be (it does not live up to its reputation)

Something to crow about (to brag loudly or joyfully)

Hen cackle (for a laugh)

To be a Mother Hen (a person who sees to the needs of others, especially in a fussy or interfering way.)

Don't brood over it (don't worry persistently or moodily about it)

Madder than a wet hen. (also - Madder than an ol' wet settin' hen.)

Hard-boiled (tough)

Sunny side up (cheerful)

Over easy (soft)

Chicken scratch (bad handwriting)

To lay an egg (fail)

Run around like a chicken with its head cut off (nervous energy)

Stick your neck out (be brave)

Ruffle your feathers (cause confusion, annoyance in another person)

Cock sure (being a braggart)

Bad egg (a person who is dishonest, unreliable, good for nothing)

Nobody here but us chickens

Strutting' your stuff (dance or behave in a confident way)

To bed with the chickens (turning in early)

Feather our nests (make money illicitly and at someone else's expense)

I'm going to wring his neck (anger response)

As scarce as hen's teeth (rare)

Long long ago, when chickens had teeth (instead of "Once upon a time...")

Has neither chick nor child (petless, childless person who only needs to care for himself)

"A chicken in every pot" (the Republican Party campaign slogan in 1928)

"Don't have a pot to put it [the chicken] in" (the Democratic Party response)

Cock-eyed (crooked or askew, absurd)

The rooster may crow but the hen delivers the goods

Cock and bull story (elaborate lies)

Empty nest syndrome (loneliness when kids leave home)

"I feel like Henny Penny" (I'm doing all the work, etc.)

What the hen said when she saw the scrambled eggs......my kids are all mixed up

"Soft as a downy chick"...My mom used to say this about anything soft, i.e. beds, baby's cheeks, laundry, etc.

"A hen that struts like a rooster is often invited for dinner" -- poultry adaptation of "Pride goeth before a fall".

Bird brain (silly or mindless person)

Being chicken (being afraid)

Choking your chicken (guys know about this one)

Chicklets (candy/gum)

Playing chicken (who is going to jump out of the way first)

Chicken hawk (politicians who are pro-war but declined to participate themselves)

"Why don't chickens pee, they drink water?" (Used to answer a question when I just don't know the answer)

Better an egg today than a hen tomorrow-- poultry version of a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

A pregnant woman near her due date with a sudden spurt of energy is known to be "nesting"

Rooster games (when two men get to arguing rather than trying to solve the problem)

That guy could make chicken salad out of chicken poop! (He can fix or do just about everything)

Out there where the hoot owls 'get friendly' with the chickens. (Really remote location)

And don't forget Dolly Parton's little threat in the movie " 9 to 5 " when she aimed a shotgun at her rotten boss and yelled "...or I'll change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot!"


Quotes || Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? || Sayings


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